Girl Football Fans

How to be respected as a girl football fan: by  © Anna Cox  v.4 12-15-11

There are two kinds of girls:

When betting . . . Those who pick their own football teams, and those who copy their boyfriends.  Ever wonder how chicks sometimes psychically guess the underdog to win??  Well some of it is the actual studying of statistics:  reading, looking at win/loss record, points for/points against, home team advantage, rushing team vs. passing team (or running v. throwing). But some of it is not.  I use a combination.  I would say 25% of my picks are what I call “girly intuition.” (This is related to “blonde science,” to be defined at a later date.)  This may include things such as, not choosing a team because a player admitted to cheating on his wife.  Or choosing UCLA over USC because she thinks blue/gold is prettier than ‘cardinal’/gold.  Usually means things related to boyfriends and ex-boyfriends–choosing the NY Giants, because that boyfriend is nicer than the Patriots guy from last month.  Could also be: always betting against the 49er’s because some frenemy is a fan.  Perhaps selecting the Packers because you love  cheese. Or betting against a team because someone’s needlessly jealous wife is a fan.  Even such sacrilegious ideas such as switching from Packer Backer one season, to Bear’s fan the next is permitted.  Again, because of whomever the current crush may be.

Being a football fan as a girl is way harder.  We have to know a lot more.  First of all, we have to know who’s playing.  And we can never be wrong . . . about anything.  We have to have a reason for our opinions.  The fact that Victoria’s Secret PINK now carries gear for all 32 NFL teams, indicates this is something I should care about.  Yes, there’s 32.  Memorize them, and their corresponding cities.  Sexier if you can locate them on a map, and have a general idea of the climate.  This will help you determine degree of home field advantage (will the field be snowy?).  Smart is sexy.  Informed is armed.

As far as other sports (basketball, baseball, blah, blah, blah). Fake it till you make it.  Or hell, do not even attempt to feign interest!  Just say, I only follow _____.  I personally prefer football over basketball for two reasons.  Basketball games annoy me with all that whistling,  as well as the screeching shoes.  Football, however,  really appeals to my love of masculine men.  Real alpha-male archetypes.  The announcers always have a super cuddly teddy bear tone that makes me feel both warm and protected.  Mmm. Makes me want to mouth off, just so I can see a beat-down in my defense.

Now to the outfits, I mean uniforms.  No need to wear your boyfriend’s jersey!  (I never wanna look chubbier than I am.) www. has flattering, fitted, fan gear made to make you look your cutest.  Cute is important for free beer.  But you know this.

Be honest!  Who chose their favorite team because its gear is the most flattering with her skin tone?   I’ll go first.  It was a factor.  GO BEARS!

Love how I felt the need to copyright this. Must think I have something worth stealing.

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